He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
