Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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