We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
