I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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