Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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