He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
