Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
