dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
