Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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