I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
