I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
