he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
