big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
