My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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