oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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