Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
