Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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