Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
