Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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