I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my liver is dry heaving
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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