NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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