Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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