babies were throwing up all over the place
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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