Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
