Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
