I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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