I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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