the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
