i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
