Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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