what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
honey bunches of taint.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
