the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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