I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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