I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
