you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
