Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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