I smell stomach acid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
