You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
