i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
