I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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