ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
