cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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