I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
