Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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