Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
