Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
