dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
