we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
how does that bad decision feel?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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