haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
