if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Less talking, more tequila
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
