Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
