Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
