Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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