I heard we made out
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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