All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
