Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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