I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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