My room smells like vodka and shame
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
