Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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