So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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