Have you finally orgasmed yet?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize