Sry I called you an 8
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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