There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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