He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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