saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
