just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
