we're chasing vodka with high fives
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
