I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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