The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
