I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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